Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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