i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
