grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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