i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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