his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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