I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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