My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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