cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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