It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
