Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
