in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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