Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
