Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
