I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
even my farts smell like vagina
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
