Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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