after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
