There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
