i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
