It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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