Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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