Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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