I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
