No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
