hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
