Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
