He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
