Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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