By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
