you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
