Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize