He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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