if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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