theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
