Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
