so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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