Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
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Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
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Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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