If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
