She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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