your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
