i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
