So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize