Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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