Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
