My room smells like vodka and shame
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
