How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
