If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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