Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
