i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
