My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
