I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
