yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
