I CAN MOONWALK!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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