hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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