just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Are we in a gay sports bar?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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