I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
