The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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