Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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