Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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