I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
